I have When am I ready? Can I really benefit someone else?

About working with a sponsor or being one

Moderator: PhilH

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Seeking
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I have When am I ready? Can I really benefit someone else?

Post by Seeking » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:10 am

I have been working the 12 steps for 2 1/2 years. I feel I could benefit greatly from a sponsor but also wonder if I need to be a sponsor. When do you feel you know enough, are practiced enough to help someone else, even while you still need reminding, and redirecting yourself? I know the steps have brought me to a closeness to Father that I never knew before. He has walked me through so much. He has delivered me from the bondage of my marriage and so many of the fears and demons in my head. But I sense I am still very much in the wilderness wandering a bit and on my way to the promised land. Some days I feel great hope that I will be getting there soon, some I'm not sure I have the strength to keep going. I desire with all my heart to always feel the great peace of the the Lord's love for me and a clear voice of direction and to be totally and completely free of all fear and doubt of my own abilities with the Lord's help. Maybe, it's unrealistic, and maybe I just need to be constant. I don't know.

PhilH
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Post by PhilH » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:25 am

Sponsoring is a great tool and can be very helpful. I would recommend getting a sponsor. You can write to help@heart-t-heart.org and ask for the list.

As to being a sponsor, the general guidelines are that you yourself have worked with a sponsor at least through step 5. It's hard to know how to sponsor if you have never had one. It's also suggested that you have some abstinence--say 3 months. Then you have more to share and more hope to offer. Also attending HtH meetings is important, so you know the program.

I hope you will stay with the program and become a sponsor as soon as you can. We can use all the sponsors we can get.

Phil

TimA.
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Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 3:07 pm
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Post by TimA. » Tue Jul 10, 2007 3:23 pm

I had an online sponsor and one of the most painful expierences of my life was when he told me that he would not answer any of my emails anymore. I had shared my most private and personal thoughts and deeds with this man. Things for which I feel most ashamed and have felt so since I was a child. What made it so painful was that he made it my fault by saying all I was doing was wallowing in self pity. I was having a very bad time. I was depressed and I expressed it to someone I thought was a friend only to be slapped in the face and rejected. It left me only more confused and depressed than ever.

I expect he would just write off what I say here as just more self pity and maybe it is. But I would like to say before you start telling a sponsor very personal things about yourself and your life be aware that you give them a way to hurt you very badly.

And to potential sponsors, if you think things are just not working you dont have to blame the person who is already hurting. You can just say this is not working and I think you should seek another sponsor. No one needs to be blamed. I think addicts do enough of blaming themself for everything as it is. I know I sure have.

Tim

Mary S
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Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2006 6:21 am
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Post by Mary S » Fri Jul 13, 2007 10:05 am

Dear Tim,

I feel I want to respond to your post, but I'm not really sure how to put what I would like to say. Let's see . . .

One thing I need to remember when I deal with people as a sponsor, or as a person who is being sponsored, is that we are all human beings, and to me that means we are broken, and have a tendency toward making mistakes. I need to remember that there is no one in this world who has the capacity to love and care for me like my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. People will always let me down.

When I live with that understanding in my heart, I feel less let down and hurt when things happen - as they inevitably will.

I feel so grateful for the mercy of the Lord, and the mercy of those people I sponsor, because I KNOW I don't do it perfectly . . . and I need to remember that my job isn't to fix them, but to point them in a direction that I have found works for me. I am just one beggar who has found some bread, and wants to show another beggar where I found it.

For me, the place I found food, the most satisfying food, was in Jesus Christ; and ALL I CAN DO is try to point another to Him. He is my Saviour and Redeemer, He has begun a process in my life that no other person could ever do. He is the Ultimate Sponsor.

When I sponsor people they put up with a lot . . . I am not perfect, and I have no expectation that I will be any time soon. I am just one tiny cog in a very big wheel that may or may not help turn a person to Christ. I need to remember that people will let me down, and that is just a part of the deal.

The bottom line for me is, does Jesus live, and is He MY Saviour. When I understand that, a lot of other things fall to the side . . . I remember how very flawed and broken I am, and I begin to feel a mercy for others . . . because I realize on a heart deep level that I too make terrible mistakes. It's all about Jesus, Tim. When He is the center of my life, everything looks different. I am willing to risk. I am less easily hurt, and I am given a discernment to know what works and what doesn't.

Sponsors are not Saviours. It's important that I remember that. It really is a matter of life and death for me, and the ONLY ONE who can save me, is Christ.

Much Love to you, Tim.

Your Sister in Christ,

Mary S

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