When I first came to the Twelve Steps I can honestly say I wasn’t sure my husband had an addiction. I wondered if he really was just a bad guy. It seemed like he quit so easy and never looked back. Then after 14 months of sobriety he couldn’t stay sober. It was shocking. Why would he give up? The why’s really bothered me.It may be very hard to accept the diagnosis of your husband’s problem as an addiction. To use that word makes it sound so serious. But for me, it was a great blessing to identify exactly what I was dealing with. Calling the problem an addiction is no worse than calling diabetes, diabetes. Using the correct term for it is not going to make the reality worse. In fact it’s going to set you free to deal with it frankly. It is so important to acknowledge the seriousness of addiction; it’s hardly an exaggeration to say it is a matter of life and death. If you resist accepting the reality about his addiction, you won’t be willing to go through the steps necessary to help your husband deal with it.
Then after reading again again how one loses their agency to addiction, it really started to make sense. I think my husband did what we call white knuckling it through those 14 months. He was so focused on getting through his probation, that when that was over he honestly thought he could handle just looking at a few things here and there. He was strong enough this time and he could stop it from getting out of control.
What is the definition of insanity - isn’t it doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same results.
After that things started to click. My husband was sick. He had a disease. If he had cancer would I leave him. No. I really hate cancer - it has claimed so many of those I love. But, I never hated my loved ones who had the cancer. I have taken this same philosophy into our marriage. My husband is sick. I do not hate him. I hate the addiction. I can truly love him freely now. It wasn’t easy. I would never claim that ever. But, it can happen. With the grace of a loving Heavenly Father, it can happen. I mean, what makes my husband’s sins any greater than my own. Sin is sin in Heavenly Father’s eyes. If I continue to resent my husband that is a sin. I could not feel any peace as those resentments took over. I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father was patient with me.