Loving Myself

For discussion of any addiction or challenge

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Jody
Posts: 132
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 7:45 pm
Location: Arizona
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Loving Myself

Post by Jody » Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:48 am

If I were to grade myself on my recovery, this would be the one aspect that I fail at considerably.

I grew up in a physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive family. I was not shown love at least not in a way that I recognized it. I was told that I was the smart one and my sister was the pretty one. I would come home with straight “A’s” and my sister would come home with “C’s” and they would criticize me for not getting “A+’s”.

I have found in my grown up life since coming to program that I didn’t know how to take a compliment. I would deflect the compliment or even disagree and put myself down. I’m sure it has not helped that my husband has never given me compliments and if he started now I do not know if I would believe they are genuine.

With help from my sponsor and working my program I am able to accept others compliments much better. I just say thank you.

I pray that my Heavenly Father can help me to love me and to also pray that I don’t feel alone.

When my husband gets mean and puts me down any self-esteem that I have acquired crumbles. But, I am getting better. I have started to stick up for myself. I tell him that I deserve to be treated better. I have told him that he wouldn’t dream of treating anyone else the way he treats me. He has agreed with that and says afterwards he is proud of me for not allowing myself to be treated that way.

I’m striving to be able to look in the mirror and love who I am and who I see. To not allow those negative voices from my past to whisper negative things in my ear.

I have taken my husband’s acting out personally in the past. In the past when he would slip I felt like it was because of something I was lacking or because of something I did. I am so grateful that I truly know and believe that my husband’s actions are his actions and they have nothing to do with me.

I am continually trying to give myself gentle encouragement. I remind myself that I am doing the best that I can and that the Lord knows that. Some days my best is making great progress and some days my best is just maintaining. Some days my best is going backwards, but realizing that I have the tools and step work to go forward again and forgive myself.

I have realized that I am always in my Heavenly Father’s care. Thy Will Be Done is constantly with me.

I am so thankful that Heavenly Father is patient. I am a work in progress.

No one else can give me my self-worth. No one else can love me if I do not love myself.

I want to give my kids a good example. If I cannot love myself imperfections and all - how can I hope for my children to love themselves. Heavenly Father doesn’t make mistakes. If I can see myself through His eyes - I can see myself as the daughter of God that I am.

"Progress not perfection”, “One day at at time”, “Let go and let God”. I am so thankful for these slogans and others when I falter. I am so grateful for prayer. Knowing that He will listen to me anytime and anywhere is such a blessing.

Thanks for listening,
JoJo

Wendy J
Posts: 258
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2006 11:35 am
Location: Iowa
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Post by Wendy J » Thu Mar 03, 2011 4:39 pm

Hi, Jojo!
Thank you for posting that. I see myself so much in your words. (I thought I was the only one who was treated like straight-a's weren't good enough while a younger sister got praise lavished on her for bringing a d up to a c!!!)

I know accepting compliments and being nice to ourselves is hard and takes practice when it's something we're not used to . I'm glad I'm not alone in this! Thank you for putting your truth out there. I know it does get better - I am so much better now about saying "Thank You" and not questioning their motives or if they're just being nice or whatever. I used to not be able to hear a compliment without wanting to just fall into a hole in the ground and disappear because it was so uncomfortable and awful.

Much love,
Wendy

Colleen H.
Site Admin
Posts: 688
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 3:32 pm
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Post by Colleen H. » Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:23 pm

JoJo,

Thanks again! This is classic, "first-person," "cleaning-your-own-side-of-the-street," recovery writing. It's awesome. Owning your own sovereign self. Staying grounded in the one opinion that counts. ((hugs)0

Colleen

suemom
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2010 10:33 pm
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Post by suemom » Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:12 am

Jody,
This is the second post that I responded to tonight and they were both yours! :D You said so much of what I would say. Thank you for saying it. I feel more understood to see how familiar your words are. Yeah for you , and how far you have come! :D
I struggle with this self-love so much, and then I beat myself up because I struggle :? . It's almost funny, not really, just baffling so I try to laugh at myself. Anyway, thank you for helping me by saying what I wanted to say. Prayers for you..and btw, JoJo is a cute nickname. :)

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