helping a spouse in caffiene addiction

For discussion of any addiction or challenge

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melea
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helping a spouse in caffiene addiction

Post by melea » Wed Nov 16, 2011 9:03 am

Hi there,
I went through He did deliver me from bondage several years ago and it was an amazing experience for me. Now my husband is dealing with an addiction and I am trying to find the best ways to help him. He has struggled to get off caffeine for many years. He has gone through difficult detox periods and gone without it for several months but recently started having difficulty again. He recently confided that he has been drinking caffiene every day during the week for the past 6 months, which is why he is always feeling sick on the weekends, which has been a sore spot for me since that is our time together. He was embarrassed to tell me. I let him know I don't think less of him, we all have addictions (as I learned in my study of He did deliver me) that we have to overcome. The problem is, I'm not sure what to say to him that will help. He admits that he hasn't quite decided that he will never do it again or that he shouldn't. Since his addiction is to cola and not coffee or tea, which are against our religious beliefs while cola is not, he feels like he ought to be able to have some and handle it. While I can't say whether it is right or wrong for others, the fact that colas are so addicting to him, and he uses them to drown out life's problems and that he can't go without them on the weekend without ending up in bed sick all day, tells me it is bad for him, even just once in a while. He says he has a hard time not believing that just once won't hurt. But he does admit that it always turns into more than just once and addiction takes hold quickly each time he tries it.

Anyway, I am mostly searching for the words to say. I tend toward just encouraging him and letting him know it is ok that he is human but to turn to the Lord for help. He seemed to also need to know that it does hurt, even just once, it hurts both him and me and our kids because he is not present on the weekends. It hurts his relationship with God to lean on another crutch. But he feels like he does a good job in life and with relationships when he is on the caffiene and that the harm only comes when he is in withdrawls and sick. So he isn't sure he should give it up or that the withdrawl part is worth it. I have supported him through withdrawls before and I will support him as many times as he needs and thank him for making the effort to stop. He has experienced many other health problems related to the caffiene as well and I feel like it is important for him to overcome this. i have offered to study He did deliver me along with him if he would like, he isn't sure he wants to do that yet.

Any thoughts?

thanks.

Colleen H.
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Post by Colleen H. » Tue Nov 29, 2011 4:56 pm

Melea,

Hi! I've been away from the forums for the last month and just wandered back in and saw your post.

Wow, your husband has quite the challenge with the caffeine addiction. I've noticed that with me (and many others), the "softer" the addiction (in other words the more socially acceptable or tolerable it is) the easier it is to rationalize and justify it. But, even in these kind of addictions, there is at the root a factor in common with all addictions and that is that the person is believing and living a falsehood, a lie. It is the ever so "flaxen" (as the Book of Mormon puts it) cord that our sworn adversary, Satan, leads a person along with. He, being called "the father of ALL lies" is the father or origin of even the seemingly harmless ones.

In the first 12 Step literature, written by the earliest participants in AA, there are stories of sober AA members going out to help a still-practicing addict and understanding that they needed to taken it easy and not just jerk the addiction away from him. When I was attending the University of Utah Addiction Counseling program they told us that it is really important that we be careful trying to get someone off an addiction without addressing the just what it is in their lives they're trying to numb out or run away from.

Just some thoughts. Hope something applies.

Colleen

TimA.
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Post by TimA. » Tue Dec 13, 2011 8:25 am

Some thoughts:
I think if being off caffeine for a day makes him sick enough to have to go to bed he might need to see a medical doctor for help.

I think you should count your blessings for a good man with a weakness for caffeine. There are much worse things. Much worse!

I don't mean to belittle the seriousness of his addiction but it is his addiction not yours. Don't be tempted to work his program that is his responsibility. You can not admit thet he is powerless over caffeine for him, only he can do that.

Decide if you can accept him and his weakness as Christ does all of us or would you rather go find a better man?
Tim

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