If a loved one will humble themselves and come unto Christ through the personal application of the true principles in the 12 Steps, they can experience this miracle of resurrection in their own lives, in their own souls. The Lord Jesus Christ can resurrect their love for their recovering spouse if they really want Him to. He can place in the family member a new heart towards their addicted loved one. He can restore them to a degree of love that they have never known before because it is a degree of love that they could never generate on their own. In other words, He can give them His love for their addicted loved one.John 11:25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:
There is a challenge to having that happen, though–to having the love of Christ enter into your heart and mind. And the challenge may not be what you think it will be if you assume that He will ask you to turn the other cheek and play the victim to your loved one’s continued acting out. Christ’s love for the addict and for you as well might actually call you to make the hard decision of separating from them either temporarily or permanently.
Please note that I also put a double emphasis on the phrase, “if they really want Him to.” This is where a wife or other family member/loved one must turn inward and examine her own conscience, her own deepest, truest feelings. In 12 Step language this is referred to as “doing your own inventory.”
She must ask herself with piercing honesty, does she really want to have love for the addict reignited in her heart. Or is the truth–her truth–that she can’t honestly go on? That she is burned out, used up, that she has come to the end of herself? If that is true, then she needs to admit it. However, admitting that takes a lot of courage in this culture where we are taught that there is only one right way to practice Christ-like love and that is to always suffer in order to save another person. That we must always be willing to give up our own lives for another.
Well, I know it is hard for anyone who has not lived through it to comprehend, but the truth is, sometimes, this act of “giving up” ones own “life,” looks exactly like giving up one’s own will and hope and dream that a relationship could be salvaged. Sometimes there is no honest life left and sometimes it is time to admit that and allow it to be true. When you have invested your whole soul in a certain reality, a certain expected outcome–letting go can feel like giving up your own life, at least until you can heal by allowing the Lord to take you forward into a new reality. It is good if we remember that is exactly what happens when a person’s mortal life ends. They only die in relationship to the old life. They do not literally die. They go forward into a new life.