We tend to minimize, alter or even deny the truth about our feelings or needs.
As a codependent, I spent much of my life in a state of one opinion, and that was that I was not to have an opinion of my own. I could comment on and agree with other people's opinions, but my duty was to be as "in tune" with their feelings and needs as possible and to "lose my life" to their service.
In recovery I have learned so much about "losing my life". First and foremost, it is to remember that this means that I remember my own nothingness without God. It means that I acknowledge that the only "life" I have to offer is the "life" I've given to my will. Losing my life to God means that I give Him my will. In turn, He gives me counsel and comfort.
As I have learned to counsel with the Lord in all my doings, a miracle has been occurring in my codependency. I've learned that I HAVE feelings. I also HAVE needs. I even have opinons and it is okay to express them. The Lord has asked me to give Him my "ALL". He has let me rant and rave about every negative feeling I have ever stuffed and wanted to expel. It hasn't always been nice. Sometimes it is down right ugly.
To realize that I can express these feelings AND to realize that I don't have to be so hypersensitive about other people's feelings is a great release. I've learned that the Lord knows other people better than I do. he will give me what to say and do in the hour thereof, if my service is needed, if I'm the particular insturment that will assist His work today. he will also let me know when I am slipping and not taking care of myself because I am stuffing my feelings or needs.
I have needs. "The Lord is My Shepherd. I shall not want." It is so wonderful to be discovering that not only does the Lord know what I need, but he understands my wants, my will. When I give Him my will and let Him guide me, I am given so much more than I ever would have allowed myself in my own scarcity. He is so abundant.
I have feelings. The Lord truely keeps His promise that He will give rest when we bring Him our feelings. Today I will counsel with the Lord about my feelings and needs. He will direct me for good. I am grateful and joyful to know this is true and I bear this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ. amen.
Finding balance in our relationships
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