characteristic eight (HDDMFB P. A-53)

Finding balance in our relationships

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Colleen Barton
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characteristic eight (HDDMFB P. A-53)

Post by Colleen Barton » Tue Dec 23, 2008 8:33 am

My serenity and attention is determined by how others are feeling or by what they're doing. (or not doing.)

I'm feeling out of sorts this morning. I checked my email. No one was there. I went to a meeting and just listened then left without feeling any connection to anyone.

I'm conscious of the word, "attention" this morning. I'm seeking attention. I'm looking for someone to give me attention so that I can feel okay about myself. I know that is out of order. Only the Lord can truely give me the serentiy I need to feel okay about myself. Still I seek for another mortal..a friend to acknowledge me, to want to know how my life is going and to tell me how theirs is going. This would not be a problem in itself. It is the truth that I am needing that validation from someone else before God.

Much of this problem has a root in my need for physical attention. I cannot see the Lord with my physical eyes. I cannot hear His physical voice. When I let Him, I can see and hear him sufficient for my needs, but I choose to define the lack of physical connection as a deprivation of my mortal need to be loved and cared about. Yikes! This puts the responsibility of my love and care on other imperfect mortals. I am not taking respnsibility for myself and I'm not really caring about myself by doing the one thing that will get me free from the physical neediness.

Wow. I can say this, but I'm not sure I can live it. What is so wrong with needing to be needed? They say that love is a basic human need. Doesn't this lack of attention mean that I am unloved, that nobody cares? Well...if I turn it back on myself, I can see that just because I don't call or talk personally with another person, it doesn't mean I don't care about them. It means that I'm given to go in a different direction, it means that I'm caring for them, but on a spiritual level, trusting God is caring for their needs. Why cannot I not believe that other people are having the same experience in relation to me? God desires me to know that He is caring for me and that He wants to give me His undivided attention. Someone commented on how impossible that seems with Him having so many children, but I know it's true. STill it is hard to wrap my finite mind around. However, my spirit understands. Somehow, in the spirit, we are all connected. I believe that it is through the atonement of Jesus. It is magnified by the gift of the Holy Ghost. Somehow I need to grasp hold of this truth and let go of the physical neediness. If I do, I can get the attention I need.

When I have God's attention, when He has mine...my serenity is true. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or does.

Colleen H.
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Post by Colleen H. » Sun Dec 28, 2008 8:08 pm

Colleen,

So beautifully put! Thanks for expressing it.

CH

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