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Finding balance in our relationships

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patty_ann1963
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Post by patty_ann1963 » Thu May 03, 2007 6:07 pm

hi,id like to take a min and introduce myself,my name is patty,and im so happy to have found u guys,i have 2 grown kids ages 19 and 24,and 3 grandsons and a wonderful husband,ive been seeking codepence help for 3 yrs now on a regular bases ive been told that im very codependent and now i know for sure that thats whats been making so sick,i wished there was a magic pill i could take and it all go away,but theres nothing but lots and lots of therapy ,ive been learning new things by coming here in the past 2 days and reading all of yur wonderful posts,wow ,ive really been enjoying them thank you so much,and yes i am LDS im a convert baptized in 1992 and am soo thankful for my membership of such an gr8t organization,there too is where i think my codepence hits me too i havent been able to go to church in several mths due to jus being scared or phobic of being in crowds,i go when my hubby goes or when i can get him to go with me,he isnt a member and cant be till he quits his
tobbacco habit :(,1 thing about coda also that really stuck out at me was that i have and do pick men or relationships that emotionally unavailable to me and ive jus remarried to my 2nd husband that is also that way,i would apreciate alot for all yur esh=experience,strength and hope,thank you for listening ,sincerely pattyann.

Celeste
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Mar 16, 2006 8:15 pm
Location: North Charleston, SC
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are you my twin :)

Post by Celeste » Sat May 05, 2007 4:22 pm

Patty,
Welcome to Heart to Heart. Colleen and Phil have written 2 awesome 12 step books to help us. In my opinion, they answered a calling to help others with the addictions in their lives. Codependency is the underlying problem with all of these addictions.

I was baptized in 1997. I am married to my second husband. He married me so I would not have to move out of the house in order to join the church. He does not want to join the church even till this day. I've struggled with falling back into smoking again after joining. He does not want to quit smoking. I have feared our being broken up over this deal. Finally, through Ht'H and Nicotine Anonymous, I have nearly 14 months free of nicotine. I still have no idea where this marriage is going. I have had to come to terms with the laws of chastity in that I am able to go without (even without "taking care of myself" ). The distancing between us feels likes miles. I gave up p~rn upon joining the church. He finally keeps his p~rn viewing and if he takes care of himself in secrecy from me. I prefer it that way since he has no intentions of stopping. He does not run around on me with other women as far as I know. The distancing between us started in 1998 and has grown ever more since then. I've tried to do all I can to keep some sort of relationship between us, but it has become all the more a codependent one. I tell him that our relationship now is one of being roomies and he does not seem to care. He is content with us being companions who have nothing more than TV shows to share together. He tolerates my spilling over of my learning from the church materials. He's more comfortable with my rants on politics. There is comfort in familiarity, but I know I need to be ready to leave if it is the Lord's will.

Glad to hear someone share a similar story as mine. Once again welcome, glad you found the forum.
Celeste

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