My Surrender

Recovery from s~xual addiction

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Stephen
Posts: 70
Joined: Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:09 am
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My Surrender

Post by Stephen » Thu Aug 25, 2016 4:45 am

I took a "drink", so to speak, yesterday. I can justify that it wasn't a long drink, but what is sobriety if I am taking drinks at all. This drink has "cocked" my brain and put it in a ready position to act out. I can feel my brain is in this set position, which causes me to feel anxious. I struggle to find other ways to release anxious feelings. Unless I do, then I know that eventually, I will seek relief through acting out.

I can justify that periods of slipping are pretty far apart. But still, there is better sobriety to be had out there and I am selling myself short if I accept that is all there is. I messed up by taking a drink, but is there no way to relief without first acting out now? To say no would have to be Satan's lie, so I have to believe there is. So what is it?

True Surrender - This topic is still on my mind. As a result of my drink yesterday, I made a couple changes in my game plan that I shared with my wife. I actually feel they will do good things and help me from slipping in the future. Part of me feels satisfied with this, but, on the other hand, I know my changes in game plan are not true sobriety either. I want more than not acting out, I hope for true healing. I also know that only He can provide true healing. So how do I let Him heal me? Through surrendering to His will. A complete surrender.

What am I struggling with right now that I can surrender?

I surrender to Him my right to take "drinks", meaning viewing stimulating images and self stimulating at any level.

Having given up this right, I must find other ways of "relief" when I am feeling stressed and/or anxious. One of these ways is to share with someone I know when I am feeling anxious, so that I can deal first with the anxiety before it turns to l~st of any kind.

I may need to state my surrender multiple times. Not to "re-commit", because I am not really committing to do anything. It is more than that, since really, I am committing to not do anything! I am surrendering my will to Him and letting Him do it for me. Stating my surrender multiple times, I think, may help me come to a more clear understanding of what it actually means to do it.

I would love to hear from anyone on how they have found success in releasing anxious feelings. Of course, I would love to hear from you on other other topics as well :-)

Thanks Everyone,

Stephen

Stephen
Posts: 70
Joined: Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:09 am
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Post by Stephen » Sat Sep 03, 2016 12:55 pm

Since surrendering my right to view stimulating images and self stimulating at any level, I have been doing pretty well. Being completely honest with myself, there were a couple slips, but I would say overall I've had some pretty good sobriety.

One thing I trying to get better at is remembering deeply what it feels like to surrender completely, and how to do it. Surrendering to Him is not a commitment, meaning it is not something to do. Not sure that makes sense, but rather than put it on my to do list to not do the things I noted in my surrender, I can just give it all to Him and wholly remove it from my plate. If it gives me an overwhelming feeling, then likely I am not understanding the principle correctly.

I am grateful to know that I am working everyday to be closer to Him. This most definitely a good thing for me and it should give me a sense of pride. I am grateful that He loves me and is on my side.

I have recently starting to ponder service a little bit more. I sometimes feel I am so dependent on step 3 & 9, that I don't have the energy for step 12. That being said, I need to give myself credit for there service I am doing, but I'm nevertheless pondering about what I can learn. There are likely people out there that I can/should be helping. Making real connections with people through service can help to fill my soul.

Thanks for reading, all!

Stephen[/i]

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