Rescue

Recovery from s~xual addiction

Moderator: PhilH

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Mike
Posts: 50
Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2006 1:36 pm
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Rescue

Post by Mike » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:08 am

So I decided to come here and just start writing. I do not have anything in particular to share other than my desire to be honest with myself and with all of you. I have to admit that I feel like acting out right now but instead I decided to come to this place, a place that I know to be a haven and a safety net. This forum has helped me in this way in the past and I haven't been on here in a while. I guess my Heavenly father put it in my mind to come here because he knew that my thoughts were becomming errant and I needed to "get out" like Joseph of old.

These past few months have been a challenge. I have been off and on in my slips and it seems that with each slip I resolve to do better the next time, only to stumble again and again. I guess what is different right now is that I am here typing instead of going to the sourse of my pain, the p~rn. It seems like for me the biggest triggers are boredom, stress and complacency. I need to be busy and have a plan or else I start going down the path of least resistance. P~rn for me is easy. It is the easy way out. I see it as a mindless activity that takes me to a place where I don't need to be anything or anyone. I can sit there and feel this articifical happiness that in the moment feels so real and so tangible and is just easy. As we all know the loneliness and darkness that you feel after such an event is horrible and devistating. And so we turn back to the easy fix instead of going to the sourse of true happiness, our Savior. I long to have a relationship with him. I feel like I know that he is there and I know OF him, but I don't really KNOW him. I want to love him enough that I never want to hurt him or cause him pain. I want to decide to not look at p~rn because of a pure love for him. I am not sure if any of this rings ture with anyone else but I guess what I am trying to say is that I want a friend in Jesus. I want to turn to him instead of the p~rn. I want to not l~st after ever woman that I see. I want to not focus so much time and attention on s~x. I want to be able to look in the mirror and actually like the image staring back at me. I want to look at my wife with honest eyes and not always feel like I am two different people.

I hope that my rambling hasn't offended anyone. I just felt the need to come here and start writing and just keep writing until I felt safe enough to leave the safety of this place. I now have to go back into the world and face the temptations that are surely going to come. I only pray that I will have the strength to do as I did this morning and "Get out". I thank you all for listening.

Be safe out there. I will pray for you and ask that you do the same for me.

Mike

PhilH
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Post by PhilH » Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:36 pm

Mike,

Welcome back to the forum, Mike. I'm glad you took the time to share. This is a good place to come, and it does indeed help to connect with others, even if you don't see them face to face.

I know the Savior cares about our struggles. His help and rescue is the only thing that has saved me from continuing in addiction or returning to the behaviors that caused me so much pain. I went for a lot of years in that state of knowing "about" Jesus without really knowing Him. But that has changed. I know now that He is as close to us as we want Him to be. It takes trusting Him and believing that we can really perceive His thoughts as He prompts us through the Holy Ghost. Those promptings of the Spirit are really the Lord talking to us, and the more we trust that process and try to obey it, the better we hear His words to us. And those communications from Him truly have changed my heart and my desires.

Again, thanks for the honesty and the trust in sharing here. Keep coming back.

Phil

Stephen
Posts: 70
Joined: Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:09 am
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Post by Stephen » Wed Jun 29, 2011 7:02 am

Mike,

Thank you so much for sharing. I haven't come here in a while either. I really needed to hear this today.

Stephen

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