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For posting mainly by spouses of s~x addicts. ADDICTS: PLEASE DO NOT POST TO THIS FORUM UNLESS YOU ARE GIVING A SHORT REPLY TO A SPECIFIC REQUEST BY A SPOUSE ON THIS FORUM.

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Gracey
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Post by Gracey » Tue May 22, 2012 8:54 pm

Found out last week that hubby relapsed again, and lied about it again.

While feeling myself being sucked back into the all-too-familiar dark hole of despair, I had the thought about how I could choose my response. Just like his choices are his choices and he’s going to resist or relapse because of his own decisions, not because of anything I say or do, so it’s the same with me. My choices are my choices and I can choose to wallow in my icky pit of despair or I can choose to crawl out of it and find happiness in my life regardless of anything he says or does. That thought was a bit hard to swallow at first, but I believe it is true and I’m working on it. I still find it difficult not to let the negative emotions of anger, resentment, and hopelessness consume me. But I’m trying to recognize the pain and anger I feel, work through it and then let it go instead of holding on to it and replaying it over and over again. I don’t have to keep dwelling on it to the point that it ruins my day, week, month, or life. I have a choice. I can choose to seek out God and find the peace and happiness He is offering me, regardless of what my husband chooses.
That thought has left me feeling more empowered over my own life and future, and much more hopeful. Just wanted to share with someone.

Colleen H.
Site Admin
Posts: 688
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 3:32 pm
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Post by Colleen H. » Mon May 28, 2012 10:17 am

Gracey,

Just wanted you to know that your hope of sharing with someone has finally "come to pass." Thank you so much for your example of a person owning her own choices (agency) and turning to the Truth (the Spirit of the Lord), no matter what the other person does. Whether that "other person" be a husband, a child, a parent, or any other "significant other" in our lives, it is true that they (just like us) each have that same choice to make--whether to give into the taunting temptations of the adversary, Satan, and/or his minions. I have truly come to know by believing and experimenting on the Savior's testimony, that much negative thinking is actually the lying influence of these very real spiritual influences.

Anyway--thanks so much for coming to the forums and posting here. It is such a blessing to me to come and find someone has been here recently. True, it's a long-distance dialogue/sharing experience, but it is still a great blessing.

Sincerely,
Colleen

Kikibug
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:46 am
Location: Utah
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Post by Kikibug » Wed Jul 25, 2012 8:02 am

Gracey, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this honest post. This brought tears to my eyes b/c it was just what I needed to hear this morning. I almost didn't even come to this part of the forum and read this b/c I don't have a spouse who is a s~x addict. I am so glad I did b/c I do have 3 siblings who are, along with mental illnesses and drug addictions. They are making horrible choices more than usual and all at once this time... I just feel consumed by sorrow the past few days. I don't know how to let it go, but I feel that you just guided me to my answer with your statement

"I still find it difficult not to let the negative emotions of anger, resentment, and hopelessness consume me. But I’m trying to recognize the pain and anger I feel, work through it and then let it go instead of holding on to it and replaying it over and over again. I don’t have to keep dwelling on it to the point that it ruins my day, week, month, or life. I have a choice. I can choose to seek out God and find the peace and happiness He is offering me, regardless of what my husband chooses."

Colleen H.
Site Admin
Posts: 688
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 3:32 pm
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Post by Colleen H. » Wed Jul 25, 2012 8:36 am

Yay, Gracie! And yay, Kiki. . . . and above all, Yay, God!

As the Lord testified: where two or three are gathered . . . (even if it's long-distance in time and space.) Time and space don't mean anything in the spirit.

Love,
Colleen

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