Counselor Question

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Jody
Posts: 132
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 7:45 pm
Location: Arizona
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Counselor Question

Post by Jody » Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:20 pm

I finally decided to go to a counselor tomorrow. I was wondering if any of you had advice for me? Do I just lay it all out there and tell them everything or do I feel the counselor out and see if I feel comfortable with them? I'm extremely nervous. I've been waiting for the Soul workshop to start up and that is not going to happen until August some time. We do not have a support group in my area. I've been dealing with all this since the last day of March and I feel like I need to try and get some outside help. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,
JoJo

mabs
Posts: 80
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 3:18 pm
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Post by mabs » Tue Jul 07, 2009 9:27 pm

I have always just laid everything out there. You are going to find help and support but a therapist can't help you if you aren't honest and upfront with them about what your problems are and why you are coming to them for assistance. I worked with several different therapists. Even though they weren't all right for me, each one helped to prepare me for the next step I needed to take in dealing with addiction and codependency.

Doesn't your stake have an ARP group? Talk to your stake president, bishop, LDS Family Services in your area to encourage them to start one. There is a huge need every where to have this program. I traveled two hours one way to attend an ARP group since this was the closest one to me until they started one in my stake.

Jody
Posts: 132
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 7:45 pm
Location: Arizona
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Post by Jody » Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:56 am

No our stake doesn't have an ARP group. There is only one for wives in the state and it is very far away and I physically cannot drive that far. I'm trying to talk to the right people because there is a great need for a group on this side of town. I'm not going to give up.

I've decided not to go to counseling after talking to my husband and father-in-law. We are afraid that the therapist might try and cause problems for our family. My father-in-law who has been a Bishop twice says that these therapists at LDS social services seem to sometime be on a witch hunt to find problems that are not there and are looking to report families.

ScottPart2
Posts: 249
Joined: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:25 pm
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Check with the Lord first.

Post by ScottPart2 » Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:29 pm

I hope a quick thought from an addict is appropriate here since you asked for opinions about counselors? If not, the moderator will delete it and no hurt feelings on my part.

I would simply suggest that you check with the Lord once more before you decide against LDS family services counselors. The 3 months I saw a counselor at the beginning were invaluable to me, even though the particular counselor himself was a bit young and green. I could have asked for someone older and more experienced (there were quite a few to choose from), but I didn't, because within two visits I realized that what I really needed was a neutral person to talk to.

A spouse, a family member, a Bishop all have huge emotional and spiritual stakes in how I do and whether I slip or relapse, etc. Having someone who was simply there to hear me out, to ask a few questions to lead my thoughts and my ideas was something that couldn't be found in an addicts group or a spouses group or with my ecclesiastical leaders; someone who had almost no stake in the outcome.

If there are no allegations of abuse in your situation, then I can't think what there is to worry about. If you meet with a counselor you'll likely know within 30 minutes if it's a good fit or not.

Just a thought -- I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you, either way.

Best to all,

Scott

Jody
Posts: 132
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 7:45 pm
Location: Arizona
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Post by Jody » Wed Jul 08, 2009 7:20 pm

ScottPart2,

I appreciate all opinions! There is no abuse; however, everything my husband did may not be permissible. I do not know if it would cause my family problems. How can I possibly go for help if I were to do harm to my family.

My husband says I should just tell them he had an affair and not give them anymore details. I've thought about it, but is a white lie okay in this situation.

Trust me I want all the support I can get. Everything I read says I need a counselor, a support group, and my Bishop to be involved. I do not have any of those. My husband is our Bishop's first case involving S.A. in his three years as our Bishop. He only meets with my husband every 2 weeks.

I'm extremely frustrated and sad. I want to heal. I just do not know what else to do but pray, read the scriptures, go to this forum, and continue to read as much as I can about this addiction.

Thanks so much for writing! I will continue to pray about it, but I wonder if my fear and pain is keep the Spirit from answering me.

mabs
Posts: 80
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 3:18 pm
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Post by mabs » Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:35 pm

Any counselor is required to report cases of child abuse, but other than that they keep everything that you say confidential. Your father-in-law and your husband sound like they are trying to protect the image of themselves and the family and don't have your best interest as their primary concern. When I first discovered my husband's SA (he had s*x with 30+ women over 10 years) I called to talk to my brother who has a doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy and works in one of the best known s*xual addiction programs in the country with acknowledged experts in this field. My brother has also served as a bishop. My husband was so angry that I would talk to my brother about the details of his acting out. He was angry that my brother suggested that my husband had SA. My husband was also angry with the times that I shared details with our therapist. This is the addict displaying shame and trying to save face. You need to talk to someone who only has your best interest as their primary concern. You will not harm your family if you seek the help of a qualified therapist through LDS Family Services.

Another suggestion, you can get a copy of the ARP manual and use it on your own. You can also work through He Did Deliver Me From Bondage on your own. I have found both of these resources to be helpful.

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