P.T.S.D.

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Jody
Posts: 132
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 7:45 pm
Location: Arizona
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P.T.S.D.

Post by Jody » Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:02 pm

I went to my therapist today and she told me something that I had never really thought of - she said that women who have had to deal with infidelity often suffer from post traumatic stress disorder.

She suggestd a book to me and she also told me that certain things will trigger my P.T.S.D. such as stress, immodestly dressed women, and TV/commercials.

I have discovered that my negative character defects are: fear (scared, uncertainty, worrying), anger, worthlessness, helplessness.

I am working on trying to have my Savior and Heavenly Father help me replace these defects with: hope, happiness, confidence, understanding, self-worth, impowerment, and security.

I'm looking forward to taking positive steps forward in my life. I want to push past this spiritual block that I have been feeling.

Tricia V
Posts: 366
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:20 am
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Post by Tricia V » Fri Aug 28, 2009 4:13 pm

I had PTSD for other areas of my life before. And then I also had some major anxiety (PTSD is a form of Anxiety disorder) about a year after my husband confessed to me (after visiting with his bishop). PTSD can "hook" me into negative thoughts about addiction, or it can be hooks from prior stuff, like my family of origin.

Another term which I originally heard in a talk on dysfunctional families, is hyper-alertness. It is an exhausting mental state of being ready for something traumatic to happen, that was first observed in war veterans who could not adjust to normal life again.

Jody
Posts: 132
Joined: Thu May 28, 2009 7:45 pm
Location: Arizona
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FEAR

Post by Jody » Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:51 am

This guy emailed my husband out of the blue the other day and asked if he interested in possibly changing his job. My husband has never listened to anyone that has approached him before, but apparently he has been praying about some way to help our family with our finances. We are doing fine, but I guess he would just like to be doing better. He hadn't told me that he was praying about this because he knows that I start to worry and the first thing I do is ask him if he wants me to get a job and he knows that I am not supposed to get a job.

Anyway, in the next couple of weeks he will be given an offer. We talked about him changing jobs and what this might do to him. I expressed my concerns about him changing jobs and becoming overwhelmed and what this might do to his sobriety. He heard in his mind - well I hope you can be faithful to me this time. I told him that I think that is a tape, because I hadn't even thought about him not being faithful to me. I would think he would have to slip or relapse before it would get that far. I was more worried about the addiction cycle and if this new change might overwhelm him and cause him more stress and anxiety to deal with. Last week was a very stressful week at work and he told me that before this would be when he would have normally started looking at p~rn.

Our conversation didn't go very well. He got his feelings hurt and felt like I was somehow attacking him and he became negative and defensive.

I became fearful and started to get angry. When I get angry I shut down. I grew up in a very volatile home and I put up walls to protect myself. That is still what I do today. I'm working hard on trying not to do that anymore, but I have a long way to go.

My sponsor told me that it is normal to have my fear kick in. She told me that I've only had a short amount of time to deal with all this since his disclosure and that things will trigger my fears very quickly. She said I cannot control the situation or my husband. I know she is right, but I sure do not like the lack of control in my life. I guess I just need to keep surrendering and working my program.

My husband had a meeting with the Bishop last night and I didn't even ask him how it went. He normally comes home and I want to know exactly what was said and how it went. I just finished what I was reading and went to bed. I'm sure he feels like I didn't care, but to me I was just trying to give up that control.

I'm tired of the whole Sunday deal. Every two weeks he goes to the Bishop and he tells my husband how great he is doing and how amazed he is at the progress my husband has made and then sends him home. We've been doing this for 5 months. It drives me nuts. I feel like he just pats him on the head and says good boy and I'll see you in two weeks. I have no control of that situation either and I need to learn to deal with that. I have to surrender it.

Needless to say, I spent a lot of time praying yesterday and today. I want to get rid of these feelings. I want to feel better and get this heaviness out of my chest. I'm looking forward to the phone meeting today and with talking with my sponsor later. I am also hopeful that my therapist will have some ideas for me as well tomorrow.

I think some days are good and some are bad. I'm hoping and praying that someday I will have the tools that will help me to handle these situations better as they arise.

Thanks for listening.

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