Step 12 Day 7

Sharing and capturing on Heart t' Heart's principal workbook

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Colleen Barton
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Step 12 Day 7

Post by Colleen Barton » Fri May 28, 2010 8:47 am

Alma 58: 40 But behold, they have received many wounds; nevertheless they stand fast in that liberty wherewith God has made them free; and they are strict to remember the Lord their God from day to day; yea, they do observe to keep his statutes, and his judgments, and his commandments continually; and their faith is strong in the prophecies concerning that which is to come.

"Practicing these principles in all our affairs" will often bring other people's respect, but not always. there are times when we are attacked for our commitment to these principles, and sometimes we feel wounded by others' negative reactions. How must we respond to these "wounds" if we would "stand fast in that liberty [freedom from our compulsion/addiction] wherewith God has made [us] free"?

For me the only way I could be free of the wounds was to humble myself before Jesus and cry out to Him for a remission of those feelings. I can't control other people's reactions to my choices. I can continue to choose God. I''ve learned that when I "react" it is usually my own opinion and doing, but when I respond, I have counseled with the Lord and found a way to peacefully handle whatever circumstance that is before me. With Him I do not take offense and any hurt I have is comforted by His strong arms. When I do take offense because of my own pride. I have to repent and be willing to make amend for whatever part of injury I may have inflicted. So often that "injury" is silent and the one hurt is myself. I'll try to give an example.

I went to my ex-husband's nephew's farewell last Sunday. His family is the only family that lives in close proximity to me. We have seldom interacted and I have taken offense. What that means in truth is that I have judged this family. I have called them proud and snobby and uncaring and have thought myself better than them in charity. Oh how subtle the cunning ways of the adversary are. I've only told a few people of my feelings, but I have been wounded.

As I sat listening to the meeting and feeling the Spirit, I realized how wrong I have been to judge this family. I have not allowed them to be a part of the group of "We're all in this together". I may no agree with all their ways, but then again, they do not agree with all of mine...still they have never purposefully kept me out of the family or said unkind things about me even though I left their family. The fault has been mine. And as soon as I admitted that and let myself be grateful for the family I have that is not my legal family anymore...I was filled with charity; the pure love of Christ. His pure love for them and His pure love for me. None of us are good, not one, only God. My Jesus understands all the dynamics of these years of folley. He is working with them even as he works with me and perhaps there are better ways to interact after all.

I don't know if that really illustrates the point, but it has made sense in my heart where it needs to be. I can feel the Lord truly changing my heart. For me to stand fast in this liberty that He has given me, I must be humble. I must admit my weaknesses and give them to the Lord in the hour they come to me. I need to stop harboring resentments and judgments towards others who in one way or another have wounded me. My wounds are healed the moment I give them to the Lord. I need to trust Him in all things and all people and stop taking offense. I won't do this perfectly, but I can do it with God consistently. He's given me these wonderful twelve step principles. If I need to do a step 8 or 9. He will bring it to my mind. If I need to forgive and forget He can give me the power to do that too. The key is for me to be humble before Him and willing to go to any length He asks of me...to keep His commands.
Last edited by Colleen Barton on Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wendy J
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Post by Wendy J » Fri May 28, 2010 10:29 am

Colleen,
Thank you for sharing this. It spoke truth to my mind, reading about your experience with your ex-husband's nephew.

I know in my life I have been wounded many times. My first reaction is to judge those I think have wronged me. (Me good, them bad. I'm hurt and it's their fault.) My second reaction is to feel guilty about judging somebody. (Them good, me bad. I'm wrong for feeling hurt and reacting like that.) I kind of squelch down all my hurt feelings and cling to some false version of "forgiveness" which isn't a real forgiveness - no hurt is being healed - no wrong is being righted. But at least I'm being "good" and doing the "right" thing and being Christlike, right? But then all those hurt feelings that I'm trying to deny build up pressure til they explode like a geyser of resentment and I'm wondering why I'm still mad at those people. Didn't I forgive them?

There is so much freedom and relief in finding the truth and getting a better perspective. Were those family members bad for not going out of their way for you? No. Did they fall short of what might really be expected of them? Probably not. Did they fall short of perfect? Yes. If they had been perfect, they would have acted differently. You were wounded - a real wound. But not by THEM per se, but by the fact that they do fall short of perfect. You were wounded by the adversary and by the effects of mortality. The fact that they are not to blame doesn't make your pain any less real - that was the thing that I couldn't seem to understand.

I think this is the key for me, anyway. Being able to acknowledge that someone's actions triggered pain in me without BLAMING them. Understanding that the real source of the wound is mortality and the adversary and not the person themselves. Because then Christ is able to move into my heart and work His miracle. Because then I'm able to really forgive them - a real forgiveness where wounds are healed and I REALLY love them and don't blame them versus just trying to force myself to feel or believe that.

Anyway, those are just the thoughts your post brought to my mind.

Much love,
Wendy

Colleen Barton
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 9:38 pm
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Post by Colleen Barton » Mon May 31, 2010 8:54 pm

Wow! Those thoughts are awsome. Thanks for sharing. I especially liked "There is so much freedom and relief in finding the truth and getting a better perspective." And I love how you worded this: " I think this is the key for me...being able to acknowledge that someone's actions triggered pain in me without BLAMING them."

I need to work on both of these first, to not put blame or shame on others but acknowledge the problems in me to the Lord, then to let Him give me that brghter perspective and freedom in truth. I know He can do it. Thanks for reminding me again.

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