Step 12 day 3

Sharing and capturing on Heart t' Heart's principal workbook

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Colleen Barton
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 9:38 pm
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Step 12 day 3

Post by Colleen Barton » Wed Sep 01, 2010 6:02 pm

Alma 5:7 "Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep."

Consider this state of being spiritually asleep and then awakened. Who awakened you? Why did you awaken? Waht was the first thing yhou had to awaken to or acknowledge? What have you since become awakened to?

I've tried to answer these questions two or three times without success of posting. I'd start to think out loud and get a stupor of thought. I didn't believe I was awake. I"m not sure I was, but now I am.

I have a friend who talks about how every morning can be Christmas. This is found when a person sees the day as a gift given by Jesus Christ, brought to them personally and specifically by Him. Remembering this has really shown me what it means to be awake. To explain this I have to back track just a little.

I have suffered with depression most of my life. Many days have found my mornings impossible. I have been tired, groggy, filled with racing, negative thoughts that I couldn't control. As I began to give my time and thoughts to the Lord, He invited me to spend time with Him in the morning. I knew it was possible. I had experienced that with the help of my sponsor and friends who were willing to answer their phones and jump start my battery, but that did not "awaken" me. I found myself being somewhat unwilling. I found myself hearing His invitation, but telling Him that I just couldn't, I was too tired, too depressed, I didn't want to capture and read scriptures and make a "to do" list.

It was only when I really understood the invitation that I woke up. He was giving me the gift of Himself in my day. It wasn't about "doing" anything, not even counseling with Him. It was about knowing that I wasn't alone, that no matter what I faced in the day, He would face it with me. It was about feeling His Love for me and letting that Love motivate me to see the new day as a gift, an adventure that He and I would have together. And the only thing I had to do to have that gift was to accept the gift. I had to believe that He is. That He has the power to give me the ability to choose positive and enlightening thoughts rather than negative and scared ones. He has love for me enough to help me love myself and understand that in small and simple things there are joys to be found and that in any affliction there are lessons to be learned and that His hand is in all things.

I"m so grateful to be finding Christmas more and more when I wake. The present of HIs presence is all I need to arise and get moving. I still do it imperfectly. I sometimes say something to the equivilent of, "Ah do I hafta?" But I know who I'm saying it to and He always answers, "No, Colleen, you don't have to, but if you will let me, I will help you and you will find there are presents yet unopened just waiting for you to enjoy. So will you?" And everytime I accept, I find tender mercies along the way. And the more that I find, the more I realize that this is what I want everyday...to be awake and alive in Christ!

Wendy J
Posts: 258
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2006 11:35 am
Location: Iowa
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Post by Wendy J » Sat Sep 04, 2010 9:50 pm

Colleen,
Thank you so much for posting this. As I struggle with bipolar, mornings are AWFUL for me. Just the thought of having to face another day is sometimes so overwhelming. Thank you for your testimony that Christ is inviting us to RECEIVE every morning, rather than DO. It helps me so much to read testimonies like this as I try to process this new truth that I am learning.
Much love,
Wendy

Colleen Barton
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 9:38 pm
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Post by Colleen Barton » Sat Sep 04, 2010 10:45 pm

hang in there Wendy and thank you for letting me share.

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