What a difference a day makes...

Sharing and capturing on Clean Hands, Pure Heart

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ScottPart2
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What a difference a day makes...

Post by ScottPart2 » Sun Jan 06, 2008 8:23 am

We're back on the 9:00 AM church schedule (yea!) so I'll have to hurry, but I wanted to post two different days of capturing on the same question in CHPH. What I write and what I feel are so wildly different when I've slipped opposed to when I've had some sobriety.

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From Sunday, Dec 30, 2007

CHPH, page 88, question 4:

Write about the difference between surrendering your addiction to the Lord and surrendering your whole life to Him. What other areas of your life might need to be surrendered to the Lord? Are you able to see this surrender process as something you can undertake, one step at a time?


It would have to be undertaken one step at a time, trying to do it all at once isn't possible. What other areas of my life need to be surrendered to the Lord? Everything, I guess that's the point.

Supposedly as we get closer to Christ, we are more focused on him and not on our addiction and it "drops away." I don't know how to be close to Christ. I hear and read he loves us beyond anything we can imagine. Why doesn't it seem real to me? What keeps me from feeling the impact of his sacrifice for us, and for me? Even when I try to imagine, I just don't get it.

I worry that I do not have any natural feelings. Things which should touch me don't, or hardly do.

The "difference between surrendering addiction or my whole life" is a pointless distinction if I can't do either.

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From Friday, Jan 4, 2008:

CHPH page 88, question 4:

Write about the difference between surrendering your addiction to the Lord and surrendering your whole life to Him. What other areas of your life might need to be surrendered to the Lord? Are you able to see this surrender process as something you can undertake, one step at a time?

Surrendering addiction to the Lord is a good first step, but it may not be possible to really do that without surrendering the rest. As long as you hold something back, you are resisting the Lord and his will and replacing it with your own will. That is what got you into this mess in the first place.

What other areas of my life might need to be surrendered to the Lord? All areas; everything from attitudes, to what chores I do around the house, to what and when I eat, to my schedule, to my time—even my time for reading and "vegging," to what I do for a living.

All of this falls under surrendering my will to the Lord to do his will instead. If I hold back knowingly in one area, then I am gripping my will in a way that will likely cause me to grab back my will in whatever other area I have surrendered or am trying to surrender.

Lord Jesus, please be with me as I need to surrender my will to thine today. I am grateful for being able to surrender to your will yesterday and ask for a moment of temptation to pass.

Please be patient as I slowly loosen my grip and give you the pieces of my soul one by one. Help me not to grab them back. Please forgive me for those I still cling to and know that I will try to give them to you one by one. Please teach me step by step what you require of me and help me give it.

I will have the attitude that all things will eventually be given to you and I will try and be patient with myself in my imperfections knowing I am not able to give all things at once.

Thank you, Lord, for breaking the chain of uncontrollable addiction and for giving me a way out. Please be with me and within me so I can choose it.

Amen.

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I'm hoping the point is obvious--maybe even obvious enough that I get it myself. The same question on two different days. Increasingly, I have more peace during my life, but, increasingly, I feel worse and in deeper despair when I have a slip. The contrast is so clear that I'm starting to surrender to the obvious -- I hope it continues.

Scott

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