I am willing and am trying to do this at every opportunity, as soon in the process as possible. "I can't. God can. I'll let Him." I don't always know what that means, or what is supposed to happen, but I am trying to say that and do it.CHPH, page 94
4. "A shotgun working of Steps One, Two, and Three." This phrase suggests a rapid, almost automatic reworking of these vital steps. "I can't. God can. I'll let Him." I have to be willing to take these steps again and again, as often as it takes. In doing so, I begin living the Savior's invitation to "look unto me in every thought." (D&C 6:36)
I don't know what is meant by "terror," except it sounds like in the midst of strong temptation. I am willing to acknowledge that I am tempted yet again, and repeat the process of surrender anew.5. "We repeat this surrender at the very point of our terror, in the pit of our hell. For that's where the admission of powerlessness really works, when we're in the raw heat of temptation and craving." I must remember that, "there's no power over the craving in advance." To change lifelong patterns, I have to be willing to admit I am tempted again, face the temptation, and surrender it, rather than surrender to it.
The way this is phrased makes sense in a way that the phrase in Step One does not. The LDSFS booklet makes sense the same way by saying "we, of ourselves, are powerless." That qualification helps understanding.It has been said in great simplicity: "The only way to stop is to stop." In other words, while the Lord will lower the intensity of a temptation for me, He still requires me to exert whatever amount of courage and agency I can muster—no matter how small. I must remember that He said: "My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me." (Ether 12:27, emphasis added.) Continuing surrender is an act of humility. It is an admission of my continuing need for Christ, acknowledgment of His power, and a petition for that amazing gift to be applied in my behalf (Steps One, Two, and Three).
I am trying not to worry about definitions; "powerlessness" always seems like the wrong word to use—it defies all gospel descriptions of who God made man to be and causes confusion in me, which is not light. It defies the Lord's own words. I don't think it's pride on my part; I'm willing to be and admit to being powerless. I've tried to do and be that, but it doesn't feel true. This paragraph from CHPH makes sense to me because it says that "He still requires me to exert whatever amount of courage and agency I can muster"—in other words, power—"however small."
I have tried calling on the Lord and just "being powerless," but it hasn't worked. Only when I call upon him in the act of surrender to his will—and that's when I have to call upon and use whatever resolve or courage or will (power) I can muster—am I able to let go and let the temptation move past without it clinging to me and working it's way into my head or heart.
Granted, the Lord gives us whatever puny personal power we may find within, but only in reaching for it and using it does he strengthen it or connect us with his power.
Ether 12 says it well, that we must "humble [our]selves before [him]." Even that is a small act of will, of personal power.
I don't want to argue definitions. I just want to find the way for me to understand this that makes sense and brings me to God. I pray for strength (there's that power word again) to surrender to the Power of God, repeatedly, as often as is required, and accept his will as law and not my own.