Patience as a tool—since we have no choice but to wait :-)

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ScottPart2
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Patience as a tool—since we have no choice but to wait :-)

Post by ScottPart2 » Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:53 am



CHPH, page 102:

Question 1:

Write about your willingness to practice patience as a tool of recovery.  How are you blessed by being patient with the struggles addiction presents
?


How is patience a "tool of recovery"?  Since we are not healed immediately, the passage of time must be a necessary component in recovery.

I am "willing" to be patient, but probably only because I have no choice.  If you fall into a hole and no one pulls you out immediately, you have to start climbing and it's useless to complain about how long it takes (although we—I—still do) because you have no other option.   It's extremely frustrating at first, but you have to break down and accept it since it's how it is.

I have had to break down and accept how things are since I can do nothing to influence or change whatever the Lord's plan is.

How am I "blessed by being patient with the struggles addiction presents?"  

First, you have to be patient or you'd go crazy since it doesn't seem like anything is happening—since you have to believe by faith that things are going to turn out even though you aren't seeing any change or feeling any "help," whatever that might be.  So, if you can have enough faith not to worry about the outcome, or give up worrying about it, then you have less to stress about.

Second, you have to have patience to stick with the recovery process (which seems like a mythical happening) so you can be broken down more by disappointment in yourself, in the apparent non-response of heaven to your pleading, by the disappointment of others in you because of your lack of progress.  Eventually, the repetition of these things becomes so wearing and grindingly painful, that you either will give up and stop altogether, or give up and accept that it has become more painful not to comply than it is to comply.

So patience is useful in lasting to that point of abandon of hope for present happiness and willingness to suffer now for happiness later.   From my human point of view it would be nice to have hints of future joy, peace, etc, as encouragement on the way, but it seems not to work that way.   It requires faith that there is something on the other side of the pain and despair.  

That faith for me has not been any assurance or "help" (in quotes because I don't know what form that would be so I'm not sure what it is) from heaven, but the statements of others in recovery that they lasted and got somewhere better.

Some of those others though seem to have had peace, assurance, witnesses of the Spirit of the Lord's love along the way drawing them forward.   I have to trust that the Lord has some purpose in it not being that way for me. I am assuming the others were more meek and less proud than I am.

It doesn't matter at this point.  I have to continue no matter what.  I don't care if I hear or feel nothing as long as I can develop some sobriety and I am grateful for the 20 days at present.   My feeling is that the Lord is granting me this in answer to prayer (I don't know why now and not earlier in the more than two-year process, unless I have just finally been beaten down enough to totally give up) and has withdrawn in all other ways to see what I'll do.

I got up to bear my testimony on Sunday and it was nothing—there was nothing there to support me even though I said the words.  I have no idea what's happening, but I don't really care anymore because I understand less and less about this the more I read and proceed down the path.

I don't care about understanding, I don't care that I seek him but have not found him, knocked and not been answered, asked and not been given.  But I am finally being given now—being given these days of surrender and sobriety.  I don't care about anything except having some sobriety, so I am grateful for it coming however it comes and in the next life I hope to understand the hows and whys.

So, patience is taught by being made to wait.

tomk
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Post by tomk » Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:01 pm

So, patience is taught by being made to wait.

---


I feel from your words you are heading in the right direction.

As much as it hurts, there is love behind this whole process.

Unfortunately, we can't fully comprehend that until we're on the other side. We just have to surrender to it. At first it will be a glass darkly, but then we will know as we are known.

We have to give all the credit to Christ in our thinking. Become grateful for His help. Actively look to see His help in all areas of our lives, not just the acting-out.

I think you're doing great, Scott.

TimA.
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Post by TimA. » Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:07 pm

Hi Scott,

So many times you have spoken the words I feel but cant find. Thank you for that. Thank you for this post. I am sorry for your pain, I am sorry for my pain and for all of us. Jesus does promise to make it all right in the end, to dry all our tears. For now this must be what hell is, this thing called addiction.

Tim

DrewS
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Post by DrewS » Wed Feb 03, 2010 3:15 pm

TimA. wrote:Hi Scott,

So many times you have spoken the words I feel but cant find. Thank you for that. Thank you for this post. I am sorry for your pain, I am sorry for my pain and for all of us. Jesus does promise to make it all right in the end, to dry all our tears. For now this must be what hell is, this thing called addiction.

Tim
Scott, I feel for you too. Sometimes I'm in the same boat and can't see the progress, can't find the hope, can't feel God's help etc. I do have times I remember God's love in my life though. Remember His help and support. Sometimes I can only remember remembering.

I had a time when I literally felt Christ lift this burden from me. It was a sweet experience and I was free for almost two years. I was also stupid enough to forget the mistakes that messed up my life in the first place so here I am again. Still, I know that there is freedom out there.

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