What we cannot change

Sharing and capturing on Clean Hands, Pure Heart

Moderator: PhilH

Post Reply [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Luke
Posts: 40
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 10:59 am
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

What we cannot change

Post by Luke » Mon Sep 11, 2006 6:24 pm

I've been reading Phis Harrison's book, and I came across someting I need to share.

Much of what I struggle with has to do with the past, especially things my parents did that they shouldn't have or things they didn't do that they should have.

I cringe at Nephi's words, "...having been born of goodly parents..." and I sing the primary song this way.

".... has given me an earthly home, with parents kind of weird ..."

Here is this line from the book:
"Much of our sorrow and frustration comes from refusing to accept what we cannot change."

I can think of some 'sound' reasoning why I shouldn't give up this past. (Reasons I have been telling myself, but that I need to remove from my belief system.)

1) The whole story from my birth until I got married is a series of experiences so miserable that if I let go of them the will count for nothing.
2) If I let go of the past I will be destined to repeat it. (Become just as foolish, worthless, powerless, and corrupt as my parents.)

New responses:
1) Hanging on to the past isn't doing me any good any way, in spite of my desire to make it count for something. Hanging on to it won't help anyone that was hurt during those times. Hanging on to it won't change the me I was when I entered adulthood. I can't go back to the past; I can only go forward. Besides, the person who is telling me to let it go is Christ. In addition, the person I'm to give it to is Christ.
2) If I truely follow Christ and place God above all other things, I will keep the commandments and not repeat the mistakes of my parents -- It is in addiction that I'm actually becoming more like them ---them unhealthy parts of them. How true it is that I'm like a dog returning to vomit.

What a slimy, stinky, strong binding web we weave
when Satan we allow in our hearts to deceive.

Yet in the light of the Power of Christ.
We can allow Him to unravel and un stink

Ok it doesn't rhyme.

Kanga
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2006 8:09 am
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by Kanga » Tue Sep 12, 2006 7:10 am

Dear Gary,

This line from your post caught my eye.
I cringe at Nephi's words, "...having been born of goodly parents..." and I sing the primary song this way.

".... has given me an earthly home, with parents kind of weird ..."


I have struggled with feelings about my own parents also. I struggled very much with the song "I Am A Child Of God". In the last year and a half this song has been rewritten in my heart. I just would like to share a little of how the Lord has changed it for me.

The line "has given me an earthly home, with parents kind and dear" has changed entirely for me. This line has bothered me for many years. As I was struggling with the feelings of my heart one Father or Mother's Day, I was led to pray about them. I was amazed as the Lord opened my eyes to see that my parents were kind and dear in His eyes. I could sing the song from that perspective and feel so differently about it. I was so grateful for the change of heart that the Lord gave me. I have been brought to a place where I see my parents as a brother and sister who struggle just like I do. When I think of the name Father I think of my Father in Heaven. Somehow your share just really struck a chord with me that I could so relate to that I just wanted to share the Lord's mercy to me. Thank you for your sharing.

May the Lord bless you on this path,

Kanga

PhilH
Site Admin
Posts: 681
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 8:29 am
Location: Northern Utah
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by PhilH » Tue Sep 12, 2006 8:04 am

Gary,

I like your revised reasons (for giving up the past). I am reminded of a statement I heard once that although we think we can't change our past, we actually can, because we are adding to our past each day we live. As we add better and better experiences to our past, the sad and destructive times simply become landmarks, signifying how far we have come.

I think about my own sins and mistakes, and although I am not happy about them the Lord is giving me a sense of peace about them--I am even starting to feel some compassion for the dumb kid I was back then and the stupid mistakes I made.

I have struggled too with feelings about my father. For a long time I blamed him for the emotional climate I grew up in that fostered the development of my addiction. But my father probably did the best he could. His father was an alcoholic, and poorly educated. My father reacted by becoming a workaholic and a university professor. The fact that I was raised with education being the prime value instead of a relationship with God being the prime value was one of my challenges. I never felt I was good enough, no matter what I did. But the Lord is changing all that. When I come to Him, I hear feelings of love and acceptance, and even respect. I find in my Savior's love everything I that was missing in my father's love (for he did love me, in his imperfect way). And as the Lord pointed out to me one day, if He has healed me from the hurts my father did me, why shouldn't I forgive him and let it go?

I think that is the recipie for us all: Go to the Lord for what we missed, or for what we need healing from, then let it go.

God bless you in this journey, and God bless us all.

your brother,

Phil

Kenyon
Posts: 109
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2006 9:15 am
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by Kenyon » Tue Sep 12, 2006 9:15 am

I read a book recently on the atonement and the author said exactly that. He related a story from the Old Testament about David and Abigail. The story illustrates how Jesus becomes an intermediary between us and those who do us wrong. He took upon himself the sin of the person who did the wrong deeds. He also took upon himself the pain felt by the person who was wronged. He will heal their pain provided that they forgive the sinner. If they do not forgive them, then it is as if the atonement were for naught and they are not offering that forgiveness to Christ, who took upon himself this sin and asks for forgiveness on behalf of the sinner. This is a powerful lesson. Which of us would not forgive the sinner in this situation? Which of us would not offer that forgiveness to Christ, whom we love so very much? In addition, we are all sinners who often need to be forgiven by others. This idea helped to soften my heart in relation to some others towards whom that I have been harboring ill feelings.

I also relate to the "...parents kind of weird." In fact we have to make sure our son always sings it correctly when around other people because he thinks it is funny. It is funny because it is true, his parents are kind of weird. ;-)

Kenyon

Bill
Posts: 168
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2006 8:20 am
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Thinking About My Parents

Post by Bill » Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:16 am

Earlier this year I read a book by pysiciatrist Barry Grosskopf about how being able to forgive your parents helps you to heal yourself. It was VERY interesting. One of it's themes was trying to see your parents through your adult eyes rather than your childhood eyes. To realize that when we were kids they were just very young adults and had problems left over from their own childhoods. Their life situations could have been just as or more crazy than our own. It just allowed me to be more willing to give them the "benefit of the doubt" about some things and to outright forgive them for others. The influence of "parenting" goes way back over multiple generations and it's a bit tough to truly assign "blame" to any one individual, at least on many things.

The scriptures teach of to forgive everyone. Perhaps keeping in mind that we don't truly know the complete picture of anyone else's life will allow us to do this a bit easier.

Bill

tomk
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Re: Thinking About My Parents

Post by tomk » Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:23 am

Bill wrote:The influence of "parenting" goes way back over multiple generations and it's a bit tough to truly assign "blame" to any one individual, at least on many things.
...
...
Bill

The "wicked traditions" of our fathers?

Bill
Posts: 168
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2006 8:20 am
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by Bill » Tue Dec 05, 2006 11:58 am

Yes, "wicked traditions", but also "clueless/uninformed traditions". I think we often forget that many parents are just barely adults themselves and are still in the process of maturing.

There are families with "righteous traditions" that help very much to overcome or at least minimize this process. I suppose it's a spectrum with righteous on one extreme and wicked on the other and most parenting is somewhere in between.

Bill

PhilH
Site Admin
Posts: 681
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 8:29 am
Location: Northern Utah
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by PhilH » Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:15 pm

I had a talk with my Dad once about some challenges I was facing as a parent. He agreed that being a parent was a real learning experience. The way he put it was: "By the time you figure out what you are doing, you are out of a job." I would have to agree that was true of my father, and just as true of me as a father, too. Oh the things I would change if I could go back and do my parenting over again!

tomk
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by tomk » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:48 pm

PhilH wrote: ...
...Oh the things I would change if I could go back and do my parenting over again!

I have been wondering about teaching my 11 year old daughter how to "counsel with the Lord in writing"

I wonder what a difference this would make in her life?

I only found out about the concept at 34 years old after reading it in CHPH.

I got the concept from CHPH. Phil, you found-out about it from your wife, Colleen. Who did she get it from? The Lord?

Obviously the concept forms the very foundation of our modern (and ancient) scriptures. They are nothing less than the journals of righteous men and women who "counseled with the Lord in writing" and were commanded to share it with the rest of us.

Post Reply
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1275: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable